okiedokie well this isn't what i said i was going to write about next but i have to.

i love Joe. He has a girlfriend. They have been together for a couple of years. Kinda like me and Eddie were. They i guess are high school sweet hearts. I dunno. Well anyway i have been talking to my friend Jon and he said that Joe is highly considering breaking it off with her. Well that is what Liz has said to. welkl the thing is i kinda dont believe them. i mean the way he acts around me is that we are dating but kinda not.

tonight i had a star wars marathon with the 3 old movies it was kickin awesome ... star, liz, joe, jeff, val and jon all came it was sweet. i think i am going to get in trouble for it later but o well. anyway the whole time me and joe were cuddleing and kissing and being cute and all. well i pretty much told him that i won't any father with him because of her.he was kinda surprised. well then i told him that time was running out and he didn't understand but then he was like for what ... you? then he asked if when the time ran out if all we had been doing together would stop and i told him yes .. he was surprised.

he thinks that things can be like this forever that he can have both of best worlds ... not break it off with her and still fool around with me ... turth is he is going to break someone's heart ... and right now i think that is going to be ME.

okay so life has been turned upsaide down ...  things have changed and i dunno if it is for the good or the bad:

1. Me and Eddie broke up ... accutually i broke up with him. I got the balls and did it. Ane he knows aout Joe. I mean he knew about me kissing him in London but he knows everything well almost everything he knows all that yall know .. we are still friends ... i dunno about friends ... everytime we g et together we end up making out ... i like it at the time but after he leaves then i feel aweful ... i don't like it ... i think that it is to soon ... i like Joe ... he knows  that ... Eddie wants to make things like they were before ... when we were happy .. both of us happy and we had time for each other ... i think that if i didn't have feeling for someone else that i would be all for that but for right now i don't want that ... i want something else.

2. I am getting closer to Joe ... it scares me because he is still with whats her name ... it bothers me that i love a guy that has a girlfriend ... they don't act like a couple when they are together ... he tries to show PDA with her but she pushes him away ... i went over to Joe's house the day school offical was over for everyone with Liz ... everyone was there ... and so was she .. they didn;t act like a couple at all .. i hated it ... i mean me and her talked as if nothing was going on and we were hanging out and everything was grand and then he would try to hold her and she would push him away and i wanted to scream at her i want to know why she does that .. it botehrs me .. if you have a boyfriend you act lik eit .. you talk to him .. you flirt with him .. i mean she does nothing .. i think that i dunno

.... more to cum ...

Okay were did i leave off .. oh yeah well I was on the phone with Jo and we were talking for a while. Nick and Star were there and about around 1 in the morning they decided that they wanted ice cream so Nick and Star went to Wendy's while Jo stayed at home. well Wendy's was closed so they went to Wally World. so anyway they came home and they pulled out the fold out couch in the basement. well so Nick and Star were starting to cuddle and Jo said 'We are missing someone?' so they decided to come see me. I got happy. i would have gone back to their house but i  knew that i wouldn't get home on time so they snuck over here and visited me for about an hour or so. They came over and me and Jo started to kiss each other in the kitchen then we went into the other room where Nick and Star we lieing on the couch so me and Jo ended up lieing on the floor cuddling and holding hands . i remeber looking up at him and thinking why i would have never thought this would have heppened a couple months ago. i was happy. well then we eventully had a massage orgy.(we have alot of those) . Jo was massageing me i was massaging Star and she was massaging Nick. well Jo then started to bite my ear and OMFG then he did this thing with hos tounge with my ear OMFG i was like about to jump on him and face rape him. well then they had to leave and i was sad. but then the next night me and Jo were on he phone and we ended up talkingabout how we almost did it in my hotel room in London. we both wanted it but for some reason we didn't and we could both kick ourseleves for not doing anything. i think that if we have another chance we are going to do something *wink wink*

okay well this week is my Spring Break and it has been fun for the most part the weekend before yall know about well Sunday afternoon Liz came over to hang out for a little while because she didn;t want to be with her family so we started to make my grad invites then we decided that we needed stickers so we went to Dollar General but they were closed so then we went to Wally World then Jo called and he and JG were on break from work so me and Liz decided to go visit them at work we were there fro about an hour them Al came and meet us up there so i invited Jo and Al and JG to coem over to my house to hang out when they got off work so me Liz and Al left then to finish working and we all went back to my house then as soon as Jo and JG got off they came stright over. well i was having a blast me and Jo were holding hands cuddleing on the couch and i was in heaven then Eddie called and then the shit hit the fan. well i ignored his calls because i knew that he aowould want to do somthing well anyway he called Liz's phone and then i heard he truck drove by then he just randomly came i RAN up stairs bc Liz said i was asleep upstairs. so then well it was kinda weird i wanted to be with Jo but i had to be with Eddie then Eddie wanted to stay in the Kitchen and i didn;t so i stayed with my friends in the living room and Eddie then got in a fight with me and started to hurt my arm and then ran out the house well JG told me not to go after him and well i did anyway for some reason i told him to stay even tho i really wanted him to go he came back in and he then went back in to the kitchen and i stayed in the other room with JG and Jo well i had fun then my mom came downstairs and told me everyone had to go and they didn;t they stayed for about another hour or so but i had fun for the most part i think me and Jo would have had a better time if it was just us and Eddie didn;t come over. well anyway i have to go wash my car but i will talk about how Jo snuck over here at 3 in the morning later buhbye

Today was a good. Z posse went to the mall to retieve bath suits for this week. i t hink we all look sexy in our new bathing suits but yeha me and Eddie got in another aguement about nothing , that is really starting to piss me off, o well me and RCA went to Hobby Lobby and Wally world and then to Beaner's a new coffee shop it was really good and there is a HOTT guy working there he was really sweet and he has a nice ass wel me and RCA stayed there until Liz called then we all went to the mall and hung out there then Al then we took him to work and hung out some more than came back to my crib and ate pizza and watched Haorld and Kumar then Liz had to leave then me and RCA watched Anchorman then she left and then Liz called and asked what to get Al because he was coming over to her house for Easter Dinner and he belives in Budda so she didn;t know what to get him so she got him a little lamb with a flower and resse's (he fav) so yeah they are so cute but then Joe called and i talked to him for a while , he sounded so sad adn depressed in the phone i was getting scared then he said he was bored and then he said that he  wanted to get out and away all then he stopped talking and then he got alittle better i hope he is okay well as he started to cheer up Alex T. came over so we got off the phone and then Eddie called and we talked for a little while then he had to go to sleep and now i am talking to Star online waiting for Jo to call so i will talk to yall later.

Alright I had a good night I went to the guys soccer game in Daphne ... it was  I think a unoffical game ... a soccer team from like TN came down here for Spring Break and they called us and Daphne and played us both .. they lost both so that has to suck for them but yeah know whatever ... anyway so me and my bro went up there and saw them and my bro wanted to go to Hooters in Daphne because they have the better looking girls or so he says ans his friend was going to meet him up there I didn't want to go so I got a ride with Jo because his brother Jeff drove up there and hey gave me a ride back Nick ride with them and Star came to so did Val it was fun I dozed on the way up there and then Jeff started to drive recklessly sorta and and he pissed of this guy and he follwed us into the neighborhood and  we were like GRR and so drove around until he left and we went home I was there till 12 Nick took me home me and Jo cuddled a little held hand kissed alittle it was cutei liked it we took a power nap together and now we are talking on the phone ... penis out.

OMFG i will be so fucking glad when i get out of high school ... peopel i think arew alive to just fuck up my life i don't do anything and i get fucked over apparently i am talking about people and i am getting bitched at because i am but i am bnot really i am not so what the fuck and if people are getting shot from this site FUCK OFF!!!!!!

on the up side i went bike riding with my niece and it was fun i spent the whole day playing with her.

Hey well so how are yall good i am hoping well stuff has happened but i really don;t care me and RCA and Liz are going to the beach next week it is going to be fun i cant wait i need a tan so bad i am looking quite ill-ly if that is a word OMFG i am hungry... o well we are going to have a beach party on next Saturday it is going to be awesome .. but Jo and Eddie are going to be there so it is going to be interrsting

OKay so the other day my friend Jon had a party and Jo was there and so was Maria well Maria was all over Jo and i was getting so jealous i was awful i dunno why i was like that i was going to tell him when he called me later that weekend but i didn;t and he tried to make out with her in the backseat of Jon's car when they went out later after me and Liz left bc we had to be home early i am jealous of the fact that she was all over him in front of me bc she knows that i am falling for him and that she told me that she didn;t like him like that bc she was so in love with Ory but i dunno i have talked to Star about this i know that it must be weird to talk to his sister about this but it is nice i think i am getting closer to her so it is nice

Liz is so happy now. she is with Al . they are so cute and i approve of him he makes me feel like a friend and not a 3rd wheel when the 3 of us go out together he makes her so happy i am so glad they are together it makes me happy to finaly see her with someone that is good for her. i hope that she know that i am happy for her and that i wish her the best and i hope he knows that if he hurts my baby i will have to hurt him she hasn't been this happy in a long time and he better not mess this up! i heart then both so much

Maria is now in Penn. she just called me to tell me she landed okay

i had a break down in the parking lot of muy nail place my mom was yelling at me about all this shit that isn't all true and i can;t tell her anything because she will get defensive aqnd yell more so when i got out of the car i just broke down adn she was liek what the hell are you crying for it made me angry ... she also thinks that my dad i not spending enough time with the famikly because of the Chi- key lady dude thing that is now working with my dad she was going of in the car to me about it and while she was talking i was thinking about how me and my dad don't have a relationship it was kinda sad.

i think i got a job at Ruby Tuesday the one that Eddie works at i dunno how that is going to work at and his sister Ryan is going to work there to .. well apartly she thinks that i had to invite her to everything i go to she called me one day and yelled at me about how i don't invite her to anything and how i don't do all this shit and it was ridulous i was like WTF well she decided taht she doesn;t want to be my friend anymore so whatever i don't care ...  her lost

well i g.g take a shower i will blog later penis out.

Look it is me and Tower Ted in London. ( Yes that is a big stuffed bear)

okay so i went to a party and Maria was all over joe and i about died it killed me inside i wanted to cry. i mean she sayd that she is on love with Lee but i dunno ... i will talk more later

Today me and Maria went to the soccer game to see Joe OMG he was  beautiful the boys lost their game but i cheered and Maria was tring to cheer what i was chanting because she doesn't like soccer and whatever i was telling her she was complaing about but there was more obvious this but whatever i think she wanted to look good in front of Joe.

I cleaned my room props to me because my room was trashed.

i am falling for that boy. that is all i have to say i put in my prom dress today and i am beautiful in it i can not wait till prom it is only 2 weeks away i am starting to get freaked out my date still hasn't got anything for prom yet no tux no tought no nothing all he thinking about his a apt. he wants to get nopthin else grr that kinda is jerky because he knows i am freaking out about it and he doesn't seem to care. but he is supposed to be trying to getoff work so we can go out tomorrow but i doubt he can or will.

i'm out .

OKay i just got back from Joe's house. I had a blast. Me and Maria were going to go to his soccer game but one of hos team mates told us the WRONG LOCATION so we went to get some food and then we just sat there and talked about nothing it was funbut then Liz called and said that a bunch of girls were over there including Star. so then the thought came into mind instead of going over to Joe's house which we were doing to do we were just waiting for his phone call to say he was home. so we sat there talking about why we should go over to Liz's to hang with them instead of Joe because Joe would be there alone and so there would be some one to hang with the other if Joe started to favortize. well we decided that we would go to Joe's and just hang over each other so nothing would happen. so we get there and Nick was there i was happy so then we would each have some one but when we went inside we saw Colleen, Nick's girlfriend. i love her so much but the whole time they were there they we all cute and lovey dovey i wanted that. well then it started  i was getting jealous because Maria started to get all over Joe. i thought that was funny because in the car ride over she was talking about how she wasn;t going to do anything tonight and how she couldn;t do anythikng with Joe because of Lee, her perfect boyfriend that would do anything for her. well then it started to go on and on and on and the more ity went on the more i was getting jealous so thenm i started to text message people and i finally text Liz ' i am getting jeaplous .. Help me." so she called me and then i couldn't really tell her the whole reason but me and her have talked about the Maria Joe and me situation and she was like what os she doing and i told her you know nad she knew excatly what i was talking about so yeah i am goig to talk to Liz tomorrow about what happened. well anyway towrda the end of the night Collen had to go home early becuase of her soccer game to morrow morning. so after they left i laid on the couch and they were still doing it i was getting so jealous it wasn't funny but you couldn;t tell so  then Nick came back and he was going to be my pillow on the couch while Maria and Joe were on the floor well then i went to the bathroom and Maria had to , too. so i went to the upstairs bathroom and he went to the one on the other room well Joe was witing for me outside the bathroom and he gave me a kiss and a hug then we went to his kitchen and she stood there and smooched a little then we went to his laundry room and kissed agian OMFG i am falling for this boy to fast what is wrong with me? well then when we got back Maria and Nick were on the couch so me and Joe laid on the floor and we held hands and ended up falling asleep. we were SO cute i mean grrr. we had to wake up because i had to get home but i could i would have stayed. he walked me to the car and kissed me on the forehead and the lips grrr. i would do anything for that boy. but the fact is that i dunno. in the car ride home Maria and i were talking and she was talking about if me and Joe every get tohgether that she would be SUPER jealous but she said that she wouldnever break it off wiuth Lee for  him but i could see me breaking up the Eddie to be with him. so i dunno me and Liz are going to talk about it tomorrow.

I love Liz she i awesome i can tell her anything about anybody and all my problems and she tries to help me with my shit. she knows about my problem with Joe and Eddie and she sayd i should break up with eddie to go with Joe because Jo is better. i dunn o i think she is right but i dunno if joe fully likes me the way i like him

what should i do?

Okay so in like 2 hours a bunch of people are coming over to have a Richy Essay Party. i am excited ... not really i hate his essay they are always bitch ass hard.

Yesterday i went to the Lady Warriors soccer game we lost 1-0 but it is okay. i really miss soccer. i loved it but because of bitches i couldn;t play. fuck them all. well Liz played and she was kick ass i am so proud of her. me and Eddie went to watch and we saw Jo there adn it was funny watching them interact. well anyway yeah it was a good game but the girls dont know how to play and it was pissing me off.

Valentines day SUCKED MY NUTS!!! omg it was aweful i went to Eddies work and put a single white rose and a bandit teddy bear homemade cookies and paint balls in his truck. well i git a tshirt and a Clashy pin  and a rose etc. well we went to go to Zea's and the wait was anout hour and 20 mins and so we went to Copelands  a seafood place i don't like seafood so the wait there was about an hour so we stayed and waited and waited and while we were there Nick called Eddie and asked if he could come over after he was done with me. well we weren;t going to do anything for V day i was going to stay at home watch the Notebook and order pizza but he told me to be ready by 6 he didn't get to my house till 6:30. well by then i really didn;t want to go out but whatever we fought at dinner a little anbd it was just a bad night. last night was better after the game we went to Smokey Bones and i ate BUFFLO!!! it was good but somehow our sex life came up and he asked me why we haven;t had sex in a while and then told me that us not having sex could be a deciding factor to the end of our 3 year relationhship. that really pissd me off. but o well i better go take my shower and clean the place up before the kids come over to study love yall

okay so  told eddie lets not celebrate V day but i meant surprise me i made him homemade cookies, bought him a teddy bear, flowers and paintball gun shit( i don't like him paintballing so i thought it would be nice if i should him that i am okay woth it now it is a big step for me but he prob wont get it). wow i am a good girlfriend and he isn;t doing anything. i am going to put all this in his car tomorrow while he is at work. cute right . i know . so we will see what happens tomorrow

tomorrow is Joe and Liz'z first soccer game and i really want to spend time with them but it is across the bay so i can't drive all that way grr angryness

Okay well i have been flirting wih Joe(from London) and it is pissing my friend maria (my BFF) off because Joe was all about her and now he is starting to be all about me and it is starting to piss her off. I think i am starting to fall head over heal;s for Joe i went to his house last night he didn;t have a shirt on and i almost god i mean WOW he has a nice body i wanted to jump o n him grrr well i  realy wasn;t going to go last night well i was me and Maria were going to spend the night with Star (his sister) but Maria got in a fight with her gma and couldn;t go so then we were going to just go hang out but she got her REALLY mad and so she couldn't go anywhereso Maria was my ride so then i was stranded at home so the Liz called me and said she wanted to comeover so she did and we ended up at Joe's house and so that i s how i ended up there and OMG i was so happy that i could go  meqan i was really in the mood to hang woth him and just hug him and kiss him he is so sweet and beautiful and nice and just what i want to ... grrr i wish i didn;t feel this way. i was talking to Liz about this and she said that it looks like he is falling for me. i mean i can see how he sees this i mean he runs to see me wbefore i i leave school he hugs me and kisses me and i love it it makes me feel wanted by someone. i mean me and Eddie went ou to luch on Friday and then we had to go back to the school when it got out to pick up hios sister and i had to get some stuff i went into the band room while Eddie stayed out in the car and as soon as school was out Joe say i was back at school ran up tp me and hugged me and we didn;t let go of each  other for at least 15 mins. we were kissing each other on the check and forehead with out a care if Eddie would come in. i love being around him i feel so care free . he makes me smile so much . he makes me feel the way i felt with eddie at the begining of out relationship. WHAT'S A GIRL TO DO?

Okay This is my first blog. Awesome. OKay well i have to get some things off my chest. i have no idea what is going on with me. Okay so i went to London during Christmas. It was awesome i went with a bunch of friends. My boyfriend didn't go with us. Me and my BF have been together for about 3 years and i really love him. but when i was in london i have a fling with one of my friends and it was awesome i mean i had a crush on him before i got with my BF and things just happened all we did was kiss here and there and hold hands i mean we said that it was going to be a london thing. i mean i spent all my time in london with him. but the last few days he couldn't get out if the hotel for reason i don;t feel likegetting in to and i was so sad that he wasn'tthere to spend the last few days with me. i mean that isn't natural. i mean i thought that i just wanted the attention but it wasnl;t that i got this sick feeling in my stomach when i found out about how much trouble he had gotten into and i was scared and sad and i dunno i shouldn't have felt like that. but i did. and now that we are back in the states i have been spend most the last few nights with him. i mean i wasn't by myself we were with friends but we keep kissing and flirting in a stule way and we didn't kiss in front of the people we did it very causaly. i dunno i think i am starting to like him a little to much. he has a girlfriend who is awesome and i have a boyfriend who i love but i dunno. my boyfriend is always working and his girlfriend is never around because she is so active in school. i talk to his guy all the time i was up all night last night just talking to him it was awesome and i didn't want to get off the phone with him. grrr what is wrong wioth me i mean i really do love my boyfriend but i am starting to like this guy to much. i like what we have. he is beautiful and funny and sweet and god i think i am falling for him ... oh but there is so much more i just can;t tell you right now ... more later